Success vs Marriage

As a Woman, you may hold a Doctorate Degree, a senior Management position in a well respected organization, command respect whenever you step into the room, live an exceptional lifestyle and all, but whenever you finish introducing yourself, men (and unfortunately women), will always ask you one question: Are you married?

I am about to discuss a very controversial subject and I’m aware that there are several people who hold a contrary opinion on this subject. The African society has made many believe that the ultimate success for a woman is finding a husband; it doesn’t matter what kind of husband, just get married, after all, all your mates are already married, what are you still waiting for? The pressure that comes with this notion does not put into consideration the dreams and desires of this girl. For some, they bow to the pressure and move into marriages that are bound to fail from the get go. The few that choose to fight for their dreams are labelled ‘enemies of men’.

Raising a girl in the modern society with a lot of social media influence is enough pressure by itself. So when we bring up our girls with the mentality that the only way they can ever be or be considered successful is when they have a husband by their side, this is misleading and very sad. Not to say that I am not proud of those who are married and working on their marriages. You could or could not get married. But this doesn’t take away from you all the hard work, sweat, tears and dedication you have put in your other dreams.

So dear girl, success means different things to different people. Marriage is definitely not the yardstick for measuring success. It is okay to go to school and obtain as many degrees as you possibly can, to focus on your career and never get married in the end, if that’s your choice. It is also okay to do all the above and when you are now ready to settle down, you do so. It’s important to emphasize on the importance of living your life by your own terms. Fight for your dreams, choose wisely. Do not hurry into a marriage simply because you and people around you feel that ‘you are not getting any younger’. When it comes to the end of your life, the only thing that will matter is, did you live a good life? The rest will just be details.

Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Master Himself. You are more than enough. So until you are ready to settle down, focus on building yourself up.

Tell us about yourself

This is one one of the most commonly used statements in any interview.

I have been asked this ‘question’ and I know I have asked quite a number of candidates the same. Many people find this ‘question’ offensive and unnecessary, while others argue, ‘if you already got my CV, what else do you need me to tell you about myself?’ On the other hand, from my own experience, the kind of responses I have received at times regarding this question have left me flabbergasted. There was an incident I recall a candidate responding, ‘I’m a very cool guy, easy going, very nice…. just a cool guy’ and I just sat there thinking to myself, ‘really???’

As a HR practitioner and an interviewer, I believe that this is one of the most important questions in any interview. Actually, it summarizes the entire interview questions, in my opinion. As a candidate, it is an opportunity to market yourself to the potential employer. We tend to make a mistake when we begin to recite our entire CV in response to this ‘question’. In reality, this is an opportunity, to say in your own words, and as much as possible in summary, who you are and what you have done before in relation to the position you are applying for or otherwise, and why you believe you should be hired by this potential employer. I am aware of candidates who have the best CVs in paper, but when it comes to the actual work, they are not even half as good as their CV. I’m also aware of candidates with not so good written CVs but are very hands on when it comes to the real work. Kindly note that I’m not trying to undermine the importance of having a presentable CV, after all, it is your first contact with a potential employer. However, one most important thing to note is that your CV will not do the job, you will.

You need to therefore share with this potential employer a brief of your academic history, prior work experience, with special emphasis on any work done and achievements made in relation to the position you are seeking to be hired for. This is your opportunity to convince this panel that whatever they are seeking is not new to you, that you have done it before successfully and if hired you wish to share your experience with them and do even much more to achieve their set objectives. Try as much as possible to avoid getting personal when answering this. Your private life should remain just that, focus on the job.

The next time then that you are invited for an interview and this question comes up, don’t roll your eyes and think, ‘are they even serious?’. Change the game plan, use this to your advantage. When your are done ‘telling them about you’, they will be left wondering what other question to ask you.

Should I or should I not change jobs?

Have you ever looked at your CV and checked on how long you have been able to stay in one job before moving to the next employer? What is the trend?

Job hopping is a reality. When I attended the interview for my current job, my interviewer reviewed my CV and noted that I had set a particular exit trend with my former employers and he asked me this, ‘so Ann, do expect you to leave after two years?’. I wanted to say ‘probably’, but I didn’t. True to this, I started developing some ‘exit jitters’ just when I was about to clock the two year mark. For sometime, I struggled with this feeling. I’ve since made peace with it. Ofcourse some of those exists were as a result of factors beyond my control. I personally do not believe in staying in one job for too long. One of my former acquaintances used to joke that if you stay in one job for 15years, if you are not careful, you may end up attaining ‘one year experience for 15years’. I somewhat agree with him. Complacency is very real when you get too comfortable.

So how long are you required to stay in one job before moving on to the next one? There is no black and white answer to this question. It all varies from one employee to another. There are those who will exit after 6months while others may stay longer than five years or beyond. There are several factors that will make an employee choose to stay or exist a company. However, one of the things that most recruiters believe that an employee who keeps changing jobs after short periods, say, one year, may have some issues. For instance, it could be assumed that you are just very difficult to work with or get along with others, you are not a reliable person and therefore cannot be ‘invested’ on or probably that you just do not value stability. As a result, you may not get recruited by some companies..

From the employee’s side, it could also mean that you love to seek more challenges or you are just the kind of person that likes to get the job done and move on. Sometimes, after staying with one employer for a long time and getting engrossed into this company’s culture, moving may be a problem because you do not want to make changes to what you are accustomed to. But change is as good as rest and should be embraced.

The process of recruitment is sometimes very expensive, long and tiring, and then there is the issue of orientation and on boarding. Companies may not want to do it all the time and that is why it is important that whoever is being recruited will be able to last for a reasonable amount of time. Ofcourse, the employer must also provide a conducive environment that would enable an employee to maximize his/her stay. All the same, the decision to move from one employer to another after a certain period of time, most of the time, lies with the employee.

As you prepare to make a shift, keep in mind that this could work for you or against you in future and so you must think strategically. It is not usually just about the now, but the overall impact this move may have on your career or employerbility in the long run.